Thursday, June 22, 2006!
HandWritten on; 12:22 AM
disappointed [díssə póyntid]
adj
not satisfied: unhappy because something was not as good, attractive, or satisfactory as expected, or because something hoped for or expected did not happen
Encarta ® World English Dictionary © & (P) 1998-2004 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.
disappointment.i am so disappointed in myself.i reallyreally suck at it.it's not that i haven tried.having being dealth a blow,i was depressed.but i tried to pick myself up again.i tried finding out whats wrong.i tried to improve.i knew i could never catch up with you guys,cos maybe im just simply not born for it.but i thought that if i tried my hardest and gave it my all,perhaps someday in the near future i would be able to make it.but no,it didnt happen.the feeling likens that of having being thrown from the heaven straight into hell.straight on.no stopping.it simply kills you.your passion.yes,i had to face another disappointment.so self conscious i felt when i look at my dear fellow mates.who did this for a shorter period of time,yet better.so much better.i felt embarrassed when i have to face them.i dontknow what they will think of me.yet,i tried my best.then,i gave it my all.i told myself it wasnt about me.it's not supposed to be about me.then,i learn.once again,i told myself.determination is the key to success.i wished that perhaps one day,i will be able to achieve what i want.i would be able to soar.i would be allowed to let my passion flow on.then,i thought.perhaps that day i would be able to fit in again.into this whole group.this family.but no,they chose to deal me another blow.one after another.how many can i survive?what do you want me to do.i tried my hardest.i emmulated the good ones.i tried.my best.i tried.i really did.perhaps i was not consistent enough.it's all my fault.after all,who can i blame.i think theres not a single person like me who has to face this kind of disappointments over and over again.people try,but they succeed.i dont.not ever.no matter how hard i tried,it just doesnt happen.it just doesnt.
what right do i have to criticise people when i cant even do it myself?soon i came to the conclusion.im just no cut out for it.just not.it hurts to try again.the higher the hopes,the greater the disappointment.i thought it was about being happy.enjoyment.but no,they are all lies.not entirely lies,but the fact is you have to be good.you just have to be.i love all of you.i really do.but sometimes the thing is people dont love you when you are not good.it's just something i've gotta accept i guess.i mean,what else can i possibly do.
okay.let that all out.(: phew.alright.the above is only for me to talk to myself yeah.dont think much of it.daa.what should i do next.
anyway.jiayou for jerkitout modern dancers.i love you all so much <3 and jiayou for caribbean blue and amazonic and bolero.(: we will do our best wont we.we will try our hardest.
the say the sky high above,is caribbean blue;